Fast Forward
by S. Kiley
Summary: X-Files Crossover. The conspiracy from the past will determine the fate of the future Mulder and Scully have been fighting. I intend for this to be a humor/serious piece.


Mulder's first thought upon awaking was, as always, where's Scully?  
He sprang up from the hospital bed he lay on, and turned to his left. A few feet away, on a similar bed, Scully lay peacefully. The rise and fall of her chest comforted him and he settled back down onto the bed, closing his eyes. Safe, Scully's safe, so everything's okay. Sighing, he opened his eyes, and found a most unfamiliar face leering over him with bright, curious blue eyes. He yelped, startled and tried to scramble backwards. His legs tangled in the blankets and he promptly fell off the bed. On his feet in an instant, he instinctively reached for his gun, and only after doing so realized that he was completely naked. The face, attached to a body, smiled gently at him and took a step forward.  
"Easy, now," the thing said. Mulder backed away, feeling anything but easy. Looking again, Mulder realized the thing was in actuality a man. But what in God's name had been done to his face? It looked like some kind of lumpy implant, or maybe huge warts. Mulder winced sympathetically. His face looked painful. Whatever it was, Mulder was most certain that he and Scully didn't want any. He backed up, so he leaned against Scully's bed. The creature kept coming forward.  
"You're safe. I'm not going to hurt you." The thin sounded like it was talking to a puppy. He took another step forward.  
"Just-just back away!" Mulder warned. He adopted a defensive stance, and looked around the medical cubicle for some kind of help.  
The thing sighed. "I assure you, I am not here to hurt you or your friend."  
"Where's the doctor?"  
"I am the doctor."  
"Like hell you are!" Mulder shouted. A new thought occurred to him, looking at the thing's gray clothes. "Oh Jesus, I'm back in Russia, aren't I?"  
"Russia?" The thing appeared confused.  
Mulder looked at the thing's face again, and winced. "Oh, Jesus Christ." Mulder felt his own face, reassured by the smoothness of his features.  
"Does your face hurt?" the thing asked. It took another step forward, and produced a small metallic object. It looked down at the object, fiddling with it. "I can give you something-"  
Mulder seized the opportunity to lunge forward at the creature. The metallic object skidded from its hands, and scattered across the floor. Mulder balled his fist tightly and launched it directly at the thing as it was attempting to recover. It made a soughing noise and fell to the ground, unconscious. Mulder backed away. Looking at the wart-like growths on the things face, he shook his hand and rubbed it against the bed he had been laying on, trying to get invisible germs off him. He stepped around the thing and went to Scully. He shook her shoulder, lightly, and then harder. Her head lolled to one side.  
"Scully, wake up!" He shook her once more and grimaced. "All right, then, sleeping beauty." He pulled the covers off of her and hoisted her naked body over his shoulder like a rag doll. Giving it a second thought, he pulled the sheet off the bed and draped it over her, trying to preserve some of her dignity in case they encountered others like Lumpyface. Mulder drew aside the curtain, and peered out. They were definitely in some kind of hospital room, but the environment felt too clean and sterile to be a run-of-the-mill ward. He started towards the door, and reached for a handle that wasn't there. Frowning, he pushed lightly on the door, but it wouldn't budge. How the hell did the door open? He backed up a few steps and saw a small keypad by the side of the door. A combination. This must be a secured room. He examined the keypad more closely and saw a green arrow button. An elevator. He thumped it with his good hand and it opened with a soft whooshing sound. That was fast, he thought. Mulder took a step forward, and realized he wasn't in an elevator at all-the door led to a hallway. He turned around, and saw the door slide shut behind him.  
He took a few steps forward, peering around. Every few yards or so, he saw small doors like the one he had come out of. Each had a small keypad next to the door. He put his ear to the nearest door, but heard nothing inside. He pushed the button, and the door whooshed open again. Inside was what appeared to be living quarters. Mulder could hear water running, and saw a shower to his right and a bed directly in front of him. Someone was singing in a strange language. It was full of guttural stops and clicks.  
Where the fuck are we? He felt Scully's breathing change slightly and he quickly laid her down on the bed. Her eyes fluttered open and she opened her mouth to speak. Mulder put a hand on her mouth and shook his head. Her eyes widened and she nodded, sitting up. Mulder stepped away and approached what appeared to be a dresser. Inside, he found several articles of women's' clothing. He tossed a tank top and a strange looking skirt at Scully, who quickly donned the items. He rummaged through the drawers, looking to find something he could clothe himself with. In the bottom drawer, he came up with a pair of men's sweatpants and a tee shirt that said "Bayou Chili Cook-Out". He threw them on and approached Scully again.  
"Where are we?" she whispered.  
"I don't know, but the doctor looks like a Nagasaki victim and the doors all look like elevators."  
"Trip?" the voice from the shower shrilled. "Is that you?"  
"Oh shit," Mulder whispered. He stood quickly and headed towards the door.  
"Trip, I'll be out in a second, ok?"  
Mulder pushed the button and pulled Scully out into the hall. "Mulder, what's going on?"  
"I don't know. I woke up and this guy with this deformed face is leering over me, and I thought we were in a hospital room, but this-I think it's a compound. There were no other patients in the hospital room besides you and me and Lumpyface."  
Scully nodded. "Those looked like military quarters-the bed was bolted to the floor."  
"That means we're on a ship. Did you recognize the language she was singing in?"  
"That was singing? It sounded like a bird dying." A door whooshed open just across from them. A young woman stepped out, wearing a purple uniform. She looked curiously at Mulder and Scully, then smiled and nodded politely and headed down the corridor. Mulder and Scully looked at each other, curiously as the woman turned a corner and left their sight.  
Scully breathed. "What the hell-"  
The door to their left opened and a man with hawkish features and spiky black hair exited, wearing a similar purple uniform. He turned, and caught site of them. Mulder and Scully nodded and smiled. Hawky returned the greeting and then stepped back into the room he'd left.  
"Maybe they think we're part of the crew," Mulder offered.  
Scully opened her mouth to say something when the door Hawky entered swooshed open again. This time, Hawky held something that very much resembled a gun in his hand.  
He spoke with a very proper British accent. "I don't know who you are, but I sure as hell know that you didn't go to the Bayou Chili Cook Out," he said, pointing the gun at them. Mulder pulled Scully behind him, and took a step backwards. "Don't run," Hawky warned. The door Mulder and Scully had just come out of opened and a short Asian woman in a towel stepped out, looking around.  
"Trip?"  
Mulder seized the moment and grabbed the woman, pulling her in front of both him and Scully. The woman cried out, clasping at her towel.  
"You want to kill us you'll have to go through her," Mulder threatened. Hawky wavered for a moment, looking the small Asian woman.  
"Malcolm, what's going on?" she asked.  
"I've got good aim, Hoshi, I'm not going to hit you," 'Malcolm' reassured her. He raised his gun again, pointedly.  
"Oh, fuck," Mulder whispered. He shoved the Asian woman at 'Malcolm' and shouted, "run!" He and Scully took off at high speed down the corridor. They turned a corner just as Malcolm fired off a shot. A beam of light landed on the wall near Scully, smoldering the panel.  
Scully's eyes widened, thinking about what that would do to a human being, even as she followed Mulder at a breakneck pace. He turned a corner and ducked into another room, pulling Scully in after him. The door closed and they found themselves in the living quarters of someone else who was in the shower. A twangy voice sang "Oh my darlin'" loudly over the sound of the water. Mulder rustled around, looking for something to use as a weapon. A voice from the shower called out.  
"Hoshi? Is that you, darlin?"  
Scully rolled her eyes, opening and closing drawers. Eventually, she found a gun that looked like the one Malcolm had been pointing at them. It was big and awkward, like a cartoon gun. She held it up to Mulder who nodded, and pointed to the shower. Scully raised the gun at the glass wall of the shower.  
"Come out with your hands up," Mulder called.  
"What?" the voice from the shower asked.  
Mulder looked at Scully. She pursed her lips. "Get your fucking ass out here before I blow your goddamn head off."  
A head emerged from the shower, cautiously. It was a young blonde man. He peered at Scully and Mulder. "Uhh, do you mind handing me a towel?" Mulder stared at the head, wondering if people actually spoke with such a thick Texas accent. He looked at Mulder. "Hey, those are my clothes! And that's  
Hoshi's skirt. What the hell-"  
Scully fired off a shot at the wall, which blackened at the beam of light hit it. Mulder smiled. "Does that answer your question, Pecos Bill?" The blonde man grimaced and stepped out of the shower, holding his hands in the air. Scully opened the door and gestured to it with the gun.  
"You know, it's kinda drafty in here-"  
"Don't worry, you won't catch cold," Mulder smirked. Pecos Bill sighed and headed toward the door.  
"At least let me put my skivvies on," he pleaded.  
"MOVE!" Scully shouted. Pecos nodded and stepped outside, with  
Mulder and Scully behind him.  
"Where are we going?" Pecos asked.  
"Take us to the exit. We want off," Mulder growled.  
"Now hold on a second, we're going at warp 3.5. Now you can't just jump off in a shuttle pod-"  
"I didn't ask for your opinion," Scully spat. "Get us off this ship."  
"You aren't going to get very far. We haven't seen an inhabitable planet in at least a week, and at the speed we're going-"  
"What?"  
Pecos stopped and turned around. "You aren't going to be able to get very far in a-"  
"What do you mean, inhabitable planet?" Scully demanded.  
Pecos looked at her strangely. " I mean inhabitable. You know, one with good air and water-"  
Mulder and Scully exchanged a look. "Where are we?" Mulder asked. As he spoke, several men dressed in purple uniforms led by Hawky turned down the corridor. Each immediately held a gun up at Scully and Mulder.  
"Don't move!" Hawky demanded. "Commander, are you all right?"  
"Getting' a little chilly here, Lieutenant," Pecos called out.  
"Let us go or we'll blow Pecos Bill's head off!" Scully shouted.  
Hawky turned, and a man and a woman stepped through the men with their guns trained on Mulder and Scully. The man was older and also sported a purple uniform.  
"Just take it easy," he said calmingly. "Tell us what you want."  
"Let us go. Now."  
"Take your weapons off them," the man said. The other men slowly lowered their guns. "Now, you put your weapon down," he said.  
"No way," Scully said, her voice icy.  
The woman next to the older man stepped forward. She wore a gray jumpsuit and looked as if a strong wind might blow her over. Mulder looked at her ears. They were strangely pointed at the tips. He stared. "It's an elf."  
The Elf spoke. "It is not logical for you to threaten Commander Tucker's life."  
Her words were so calm and matter of fact that Mulder guffawed. "What?"  
The Elf seemed nonplussed. "You are not prisoners on board. You are free to leave at any time. Therefore, it is only logical that you release him." Mulder and Scully exchanged looks, considering their options. What the Elf said did make sense. Mulder shrugged as if to say, well, what choice do we have?  
Scully nodded her agreement and lowered the gun. She placed it gently  
on the floor and Pecos Bill covered his privates and hurried back into  
his quarters.  
Hawky took a few quick steps forward and picked up the gun from  
where Scully had left it. The older man and the Elf stepped forward.  
The man extended his hand.  
"I'm Captain Jonathan Archer, the Starship Enterprise."  
Scully reached a hand out automatically, as Mulder queried, "Starship?"  
"This is Sub-Commander T'Pol, she's my Chief Science Officer."  
"The Elf is a science officer?" Mulder asked. Scully shot him a look and he quieted and extended his hand to T'Pol.  
T'Pol looked at it strangely, and then extended her own. Mulder closed the distance and shook it. "Nice to meet you."  
T'Pol raised an eyebrow. "I believe we have not met. I still do not know either of your names."  
Scully spoke up. "My name is Dana Scully and this is my partner, Fox Mulder. We're agents with the Federal Bureau of Investigation."  
Archer turned to T'Pol, grinning. "Well, how do you like that, Sub- Commander? They work for an agency that hasn't existed in over two hundred years." 


End file.
